O brother

Four years before I was born, my mother had a miscarriage. If it hadn’t happen, I wouLd have had a big brother.

ProbabLy that’s why I’ve aLways Look for a brother figure and fantasize about “What if my Big Brother had been born”. (I’ve taLked about this with the Mothership, and she toLd me “You want a big brother? Go find a husband.” Sigh.)

If Big Brother was here, right now a wouLdn’t be aLone at the house whiLe the parents are going Hajj (though maybe I wouLdn’t be abLe to go out ‘tiL drop Like I have pLanned :p).
If Big Brother was here, maybe I wouLd be reLieved off the duty of giving the parents grandchiLdren.
If Big Brother was here, maybe he wouLd have taught me how to bike and drive.
If Big Brother was here, maybe I wouLd have a better debating and arguing and bantering skiLLs Learned from aLL the years of fighting. 
If Big Brother was here, maybe I wouLd have had someone who’d teLL me everything wiLL be fine.


Awwww Oji, you make me want to cut my hair again..

So what had triggered this Big Brother sentiment?
NusantaRanger’s Latest chapter, Debur.
EspeciaLLy that page above. Yes, yes, Rena and Oji are not bLood reLated, but seeing their dynamics in this chapter just made me go sniffLes and I need 5 minutes of meditation in the office Loo to caLm myseLf (and thus this post is born).

‘Kay, off to reread NusantaRanger again.

Running with the windmiLL in my head

So. I watched The Raid 6 times. I watched Pacific Rim 6 times. And today I just broke my personaL record of watching a fiLm repeatedLy for 7 times (edit – 8 times per October 8th, and wiLL stop at 8)(edit – saw it for the 9th time on October 19th. Sue me). The honor goes to Rurouni Kenshin: Kyoto Inferno.
To commemorate this speciaL occasion, I’LL just make a post about each and every eight viewing sessions, and I’LL try very hard not to make it an ode to Sato Takeru. But I can’t say I’LL try to make this short and spoiLer-free.

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For my whoLe Life, I’ve been Living with Languages. My native tongue is of course Indonesian. At home, my parents often speak to each other in bahasa Sunda, but my father aLso speaks boso Jowo in every other chances he gets. I’ve been studying EngLish since I was 8, and I spent much of my time in University trying to decipher 日本語。

Maybe that’s why I’m quite sensitive when peopLe are making fun of other Languages. You know, peopLe going mock “Hai!””moshi moshi””mase mase””arigato” everytime they come near any Japanese person or EngLish speakers making fun of the name of cities Like  Fukui and Fak-Fak. A few moments ago, a friend, a Bandung native who aLso naturaLLy speaks Sunda, toLd me her friend had a huge crush on Sato(h) Takeru but was put off when she found out his surename is “Sato(h)” because ‘sato’ means animaL in Sundanese. I don’t know why but I feLt super offended (probabLy because the to(h) in  佐藤 is one of my favorite kanji).

I know maybe I’m overreacting, but I aLways think and feeL that Language is one of the highest form of achievements in every cuLture, and Laughing at Languages means you’re disrespecting the cuLtures and the peopLe. I don’t have any scientific theories to support my sentiment, and maybe this sentiment was born after fLunking Japanese Language cLass twice (and some other cLasses at my EngLish course pLace.. scored a C for Bahasa Indonesia in high schooL..). Learning another Languages is hard work, yo.

This episode is too good, Baby.

HeLLo. I’ve been abandoning this pLace for quite too Long, I guess.
ActuaLLy I have some posts pLanned and drafted, Like the BeLitung traveL waaay back in May, but here I am, finaLLy, to taLk about anime.

I’m not a fan of Space Dandy. First two episodes in the first season, I think it’s ridicuLous. I never Look back at it again. And then I stumbLed upon A World Without Sadness, Baby.

Thank you cosmic dragons for making sure I didn’t change the channeL.







All right, I’m out again Baby.

Just because I want some drama

Yesterday was the Indonesian presidentiaL eLection. Voters had made their choice, between Candidate P and Candidate J. I had hoped things wiLL quickLy settLe down to normaL, no more bLack campaigns and onLine & sociaL media wars between both camp.
And then this tweet happened.


Rough transLation: If Candidate J wins, I will unshare & unfollow the friends who supported him and dissed Candidate P. WHATEVER.

That was coming from a coLLege friend – office coLLeague.
In response to another mutuaL friend, she said: Sorry if I’m too frontal, I think I’m going to be sick of seeing his face everywhere for the next 5 years.

And now, I am SUPER tempted to conduct a LittLe experiment. I want to start gushing on sociaL medias about how good Candidate J is just to make her unshare me onLine, and to see how she’d act toward me in reaL Life. I’ve heard this had happened to many peopLe out there, oLd friends dissing each other on sociaL medias because of their different choices and turning into enemies in reaL Life. It puzzLed me, Like, REALLY, PEOPLE? But now a case has appeared near me, and I’m itching to.. prove something, maybe.
Or maybe I just have too much free time.

But I never reaLLy Like Candidate P, anyway.

Heart out

Gini nih kaLo otak masih ditaro di penis.


Penjahatnya dibeLa abis-abisan.
YF yang jadi korban maLah dicaci, dicerca, difitnah, dipermaLukan Lagi, seoLah-oLah dia yang saLah. Semoga dia tetap tabah menghadapi cobaan ini dan makin kuat ke depannya.
SaLut dan terima kasih buat teman-teman yang seLama ini mendukung dan membantu YF. Maaf saya hanya bisa mendukung dengan tuLisan ini dan doa.
Dan semoga para peLaku (dan semua orang yang membeLa mereka) akan menerima baLasan yang setimpaL, apapun bentuknya, sekarang atau nanti.

View on Path

I’LL be Like RapunzeL

Two weeks ago my mother took me to the hospitaL to get an injection because I have this annoying on and off cough since May. She even persuaded the doctor to give me a sick Letter for three days.
I’m off office on Monday. ALL I’m aLLowed to do were sLeep and eat and sLeep and eat. I was bored.
I went to work on Tuesday, but suddenLy I got worse.
My mother heLd me prisoner on Wednesday. ALL I can do were sLeep and eat and sLeep and eat. And watch some TV. I was bored to tears.
I went back to work on Thursday. On Friday I went to the cinema with a friend. When I toLd my father, he said: “You just got slightly better and now you’re already gallivanting at night??? Don’t even come home.” UnfortunateLy for him, I managed to get home before 8:30 because I saw the 5:30 show, the fiLm was quick, and my friend was wearing her ‘bad heeLs’ so we couLdn’t hang out Longer.

I aLmost managed to survive this week when on Thursday night I feeL hot in the insides of my body and coLd on the outside. I guLped down some meds and went to bed. Friday morning,  I woke up burning and deLirious. My mother rushed me to the hospitaL with a set of cLothes and toiLettries – in case I shouLd spend a night there. I got IVed for the first time in my Life. The fever came down, the doctor refused to admit me in and give me meds, we went home.

Friday, aLL I can do was sLeep.
Saturday, I woke up feeLing much better. Went to the Lab for a bLood test which showed I’m in danger of catching typhoid.
Sunday, which is today, I woke up feeLing even better. The parents went out today, but not before teLLing me over and over again not to go anywhere. I wasn’t pLanning to, I have a mountain of Laundry to do. My father did something that make the washing machine dead. And it rained. Shit. My body is aching from aLL those sLeep. I can’t wait to get out of the house and go to work tomorrow.

I’m dreading the next few weeks. This whoLe being sick thing wiLL sureLy guarantee my status as a house prisoner, whiLe I have Lots of pLans for the next 2 weeks (in the hospitaL my father said this happened because I went to the movies in the previous week, on Saturday my mother mock-asked me if I wanted to go to dance practice). I know I sound Like a spoiLed brat now, ungratefuL that I stiLL have a roof over my head and parents who care for me, but the thing is.. being inside the house for too Long is sucking the Life out of me. The Longer I stay inside the house, the more anxious I get, the snappier I act around the parents, the more I hurt them. They wiLL onLy teLL me to eat more, sLeep more – which, yeah, is good for recovery after being fLoored by fever- but the more I eat, the more I sLeep, the more I Lose my wiLL to do anything.
I can’t muster the wiLL to finish the post on my BeLitung trip Last month (it’s been aLmost a month!!! ARGH). I have no interest to continue FinaL Fantasy IV — but maybe that’s because currentLy aLL my party members are men (three mature men, two of them bearded, one braided, and the Leader is a dude who championed purpLe Lipstick. Why am I bLabbering about them here?) I couLdn’t read more than 5 pages of Where’d You Go, Bernadette. This post was started at 5 PM and when I’m typing this it’s 10:06 PM.

I need to go outside. I need to see other faces. I need to taLk to someone eLse. I need to cut my hair soon.

Reporting to Her Mothership (and accompLice) (and..)

Her Mothership: So how was last night?
Me: WeLL.. Le Cousine kept bugging me to get out of the office earLier than I shouLd, so I just get out Late.
HM: And then?
Me: She said we’d have dinner at 8. At 5ish we went to a swanky hair saLon and the make-up guy made me wear heavy fake eyeLashes. Then we just waLked around the maLL. LC insisted we must arrive 5 minutes Late.
HM: And?
Me: So we arrived 5 minutes Late.
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Ten out of how many?

My mother is on fire in a mission to find a potentiaL father for her grandchiLdren (sadLy, these guys don’t make it into her List). She has some heLps. Among one of the most enthusiastic heLper is my cousin, the cLosest to her and my aLmost-sister. This cousin aLways say “I’m going to introduce you to a friend who’s a piLot” or “I know a guy who works in an oiL company and is doing very weLL” and things Like that, but because I was being my ignorant seLf, I never get to see those guys. UntiL Last week, I agreed to Let her to set me off with this guy she knows. The date is stiLL undecided. Then yesterday she caLLed and this foLLowing conversation occured:

Le Cousine >> So can we meet up on Wednesday?
Me >> Sure.
LC >> Can you get out early from work?
Me >> I don’t know. I can get out as earLy as 4:30. (Was starting to get annoyed)
LC >> Good, because we have to go to the salon first. We have to make you fabulous. What are you going to wear, then? Do you have a dress for office days? Something to make you look more girly?
Me >> No. (Was annoyed)
LC >> Then maybe we need to stop at Zara, too..
Me >> Is that reaLLy necessary? (Was super annoyed)
LC >> Of course that’s necessary, Dear. When we meet someone new, especially a ‘potential candidate’, in the first ten meetings we have to fake ourselves. Glam up, doll up. After that, it’s up to you. I did that with my husband when I just met him.
Me >> Fine. (Was annoyed and horrified)
LC >> Great. Don’t forget to bring your contact lenses on Wednesday.


So, in order to ensnare a ‘potentiaL candidate’ I have to be someone I’m not and then after 10 meetings I can scratch my butt in front of his nose? On the other hand, I know what my cousin’s sociaL circLe is Like. The circLe that requires frequent trips to hair saLons and boutiques to stay inside. But reaLLy, having to do the hair and buy new cLothes just to meet a stranger sounds exhausting to me. And today is onLy Sunday.

And I’m not going to write about the “what if”s. I guess that wiLL have to wait untiL.. Thursday.


This. Is actuaLLy happening -___________________-

I Like my current job. To be specific, I Like my current job at my current department. It can be a LittLe boring when we don’t have anything to do, but actuaLLy we have Lots of interesting projects this year.

Then yesterday The Boss toLd me that one of the marketing department wants to ‘puLL’ me to their team.

I wanted to cry. I immediateLy thought of resigning. The Boss said don’t even consider resigning. He said he couLd see some ‘marketing quaLity’ in me. He said the decision is aLL up to me and I shouLd reeeeeaLLy think about it because this is a good chance for me. I was aghast.

I am scared.

ObviousLy, the job and the work Load wiLL be different. The Uppers wiLL definiteLy expect to expLoit my aLready non-existent Japanese skiLLs because that department is the damn one which deaLs with aLL our Japanese costumers. There wiLL be tons of technicaL materiaLs and product knowLedge to study. The pressure wiLL be bigger. The targets. HoLy crap I’m scared.

It is aLso quite exciting, yea. CLearer career path, bigger opportunity, faster promotion, and yada yada. I wouLd aLso be abLe to meet new peopLe, expand my network, improve my communication skiLLs, and yada yada. ALso this couLd be a big opportunity to do an ‘inside-troubLeshooting’ and maybe after a coupLe of years I couLd ask to be transferred back to my current department and work to improvement with what I’ve gained from the experience.

But I don’t know how much Longer I want to stay in The Company. I’m not a Marketing person, despite everything The Boss said. My passion is not there. But then again, I don’t even know what my passion is.

Cheesus I’m confused. *bLares One OK Rock’s Answer Is Near*

The peopLe and the moraLe of the story

Om Swastiastu.

I got home from a short BaLi vacation today. The foLLowing diaLogue happened when my mom saw me.
Mom: You’re not getting any darker!!
Me: What???? My BB cream is aLready too Light for me right now!
Mom: Well, you’re stiLL not tan enough.
Oh mother -______________-

Anyway, just Like what I did after my trip to Japan, I decided to do a “It’s the peopLe that made the journey” post because honestLy it’s more fun than writing about day-to-day records. Aaaand maybe sneaks in a few mumbLes and rants in the end..

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Mr. Taxi

Taxi Driver (TD) : You just got back from work, Miss?
Me : Yes. (Honestly, no, I’ve just had an overLong dinner with some friends.)
TD : Working hard is okay, but please take care of your health, Miss. If you’re not healthy, you will not be successful.
Me : *sLaps myseLf*
TD : Are you married, Miss?
Me : No, not yet.
TD : I hope you’ll find the right one for you, Miss, who will appreciate and love you forever.
Me : *trying hard not to cry right there and then*

Dear Mr. Taxi Driver, I pray for your heaLth, and may you get big tips for the rest of the year.

I’m going to be honest. In the Last few weeks, I kind of hate my yosakoi group. I Lost hope on it. I even think about quitting, something I thought impossibLe Less than a year ago. It’s because I think nobody cares about it anymore. Even the GeneraL. Even when the GeneraL seems to care again, he made us Learn the choreography of Kyari Pamyu Pamyu’s MV. Yes it’s not a bad thing, but we’re not a freaking cover dance group, for your godLess arse’s sake.

Then yesterday I stumbLed upon a post with a video of aLL Kochi Super Yosakoi 2013 participants dancing to a song by GReeeeN, which I guess specificaLLy made to get everybody dance the dance.

It made me cry. It made me miss dancing with friends and a bunch of sweaty strangers at a packed matsuri. I miss the feeLing. I miss feeLing aLive. I think I’m kind of depressed by this Kyari Pamyu Pamyu shit* and it’s been a whiLe since we did any originaL number.

I’m going to hoLd on untiL May. And Let’s see if I couLd persuade the GeneraL to dance Kono Machi he.

*No disrespect to Kyari Pamyu Pamyu, she’s a good artist and some her works are dope. I just hate the idea of having to dance her dance. I’m thinking of baiLing out of this one.