Stay aLight. Stay aLive.

I’m seriousLy doubting myseLf now. Zero confidence at aLL.

The case: as per March 2015, I was transferred to a newLy estabLished department that deaLs with.. very important stuffs in my company with constant contacts with the Bosses. I had a new boss, a kind and seemingLy competent woman, even though she’s panicky at times. Long story short, we were supposed to be preparing for some routine projects when yesterday she sent a resignation emaiL to HR, after a week Long absence from office (for understandabLe personaL reason).
ConcLusion: I was Left aLone to do aLmost everything with next to zero understanding on what I’m supposed to do.

WeLL, I do get some advices and inputs. But I’m scared to do them because I’m afraid I might do something out of Line. Like, okay I have the baLLs, but I’m afraid I might bounce them too high or spin them too fast. I mean who the fuck am I to emaiL the President Director with “Please review and advise”? I’m just the snotty, stupid girL with zits who wear orange everyday.

A part of me just want to run. A few days ago my mind was in a daze thinking of my upcoming trip to Japan (in just a few days!). And then, BAM. I know I have to do this untiL the Last minute, and then board the pLane and wave またね see you in two weeks. But I’m afraid that peopLe wiLL see me as irresponsibLe, fLying off and Leave things unfinished Like that. And what’s going to happen when I get back. Ergh. This is not a one time thing. This is routine project, so this feeLing wiLL occur to me again and again and again and again.
However a part of me aLso want to survive and hang on, just to see if eventuaLLy I couLd be (at Least) decent at this.

But right now, I’m just having a very bad case of seLf-doubt and Low confidence.


Repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

One comment on “Stay aLight. Stay aLive.

  1. But you’ll get used to the routine and everything will be OK. We’re facing the same thing now. New department, new people, new job, new experience. Let’s kick ass!!!

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