悲しくて ただ単に辛くて

EarLier today One OK Rock (management) announced the dates for their 2016 Asia Tour and since then my pLayList is dominated by You’ve Broken My Heart – Mighty Long Fall – Heartache in no particuLar order.


Yep, they’re skipping Indonesia.
Insert every crying-bucket-of-tears Line stickers I own here.

ObviousLy there are a LOT of WHYs thrown around, pLus some hystericaL bLaming games. I don’t want to make the water murkier, but since this is MY bLog, pLease aLLow me to throw in my two cents on the “why wouLdn’t One OK Rock come back to Indonesia”.

WARNING: this is going to be Long and fuLL of winding non-sense shits.

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Don’t stop the move, keep on dancing.

Dance is amazing. Language is a barrier that can be broken by music, but if even music faiLs, there wiLL aLways be dance.
Says the girL who bawLed her eyes out in front of the TV when she saw this 5 years ago, and stiLL does whenever she see it again and again.

Dance is amazing, because it makes peopLe pushes their body to the maximum Limit and do things you thought you wouLd never be abLe to do. God is great, indeed.
Says the girL whose heart wrenched oh so tightLy knowing two of these guys got injured just before they have to perform an extended version of beLow routine.


I was thinking about quitting yosakoi aLtogether after seeing ReckLess and remembering Matthew. They are dancing for their Lives, against prejudices and injuries, whiLe I’m.. What, dancing for fun? How shaLLow.
But then if I quit, that means I wiLL Lose one more thing that can reaLLy do and make me hystericaLLy happy. PLus I feeL Like I wiLL Lose a battLe against my father. I hate Losing to my father.
So, obLiging to The TeLephones, I decide to keep on dancing. For however Long it may be.


Found this on Facebook, watched it, and the first thought that popped in my head was “I wonder what peopLe wiLL say if they see my face.”

My face is much much much much more acne-prone than Em (the brave v-Logger in the video) and nowadays the onLy makeup I wear are just Loose powder and Lipsticks. PeopLe do comment on my acne, but I guess I’m fortunate that most of them means weLL or worried, or just too poLite to say what’s reaLLy in their mind (except my parents, of course).
But then again, I have never post a picture of my whoLe bare face on the internet.
To be honest, the first time I saw the video, I was cynicaL and think this wouLd be just a.. kind of “gLorified reason to wear makeup to cover your fLaws” video. But after watching it again I feLt ashamed of thinking that way, because then I’m just the same with the dipshit wonkers who posted the hate comments. So, the message I got is: GirL, you have the right to be beautifuL in whatever way you choose, bare-faced or fuLL-faced. If today you can’t give a fuck about the foundations and conceaLers, then fuck’em. If tomorrow you’d have enough of those acnes staring back at you from the mirror, those foundations and conceaLers are stiLL going to be there. And fuck what other peopLe say, for no matter what you do they wiLL ALWAYS find a way to bring you down.

Let’s just sing together with Christina AguiLera.

CoLd and hungry and haLf pissed-off

So much for a famiLy dinner.
This is more Like, “You go eat first, I’m still on the way. Order something for me, I’m starving” and I’d be in Limbo because as aLways I don’t know what you’d Like, and then you’re coming when everything is aLready coLd and you’d be compLaining because the food is coLd whiLe I’d be suLking on the phone.
And don’t forget about the other one who keeps eating my food and not ordering anything.

Fuck. I shouLdn’t have thought this wouLd go smoothLy anyway. ShouLd have gone out with my friends instead.


I, on the other hand, still might not be considered a proper adult. I had been very grown-up when I was in primary school. But as I continued through secondary school, I in fact became less grown-up. And then as the years passed, I turned into a quite childlike person. I suppose I just wasn’t able to ally myself with time.

Strange Weather in Tokyo – Hiromi Kawakami

He Looks smiLey. She Looks friendLy.

I’m back. ALive, weLL (at Least untiL I caught fLu from office peopLe), broke, and head fiLLed with more memories. Oh, and some extra pounds of fat in my beLLy and zits on my face.

TaLking about face, some of the memorabLe thing about this Japan trip are the faces of the peopLe I met aLong the way. So just as I’ve done here and here, here’s another “It’s the peopLe that made the journey” post. And it’s going to be a Long post, okay?

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Stay aLight. Stay aLive.

I’m seriousLy doubting myseLf now. Zero confidence at aLL.

The case: as per March 2015, I was transferred to a newLy estabLished department that deaLs with.. very important stuffs in my company with constant contacts with the Bosses. I had a new boss, a kind and seemingLy competent woman, even though she’s panicky at times. Long story short, we were supposed to be preparing for some routine projects when yesterday she sent a resignation emaiL to HR, after a week Long absence from office (for understandabLe personaL reason).
ConcLusion: I was Left aLone to do aLmost everything with next to zero understanding on what I’m supposed to do.

WeLL, I do get some advices and inputs. But I’m scared to do them because I’m afraid I might do something out of Line. Like, okay I have the baLLs, but I’m afraid I might bounce them too high or spin them too fast. I mean who the fuck am I to emaiL the President Director with “Please review and advise”? I’m just the snotty, stupid girL with zits who wear orange everyday.

A part of me just want to run. A few days ago my mind was in a daze thinking of my upcoming trip to Japan (in just a few days!). And then, BAM. I know I have to do this untiL the Last minute, and then board the pLane and wave またね see you in two weeks. But I’m afraid that peopLe wiLL see me as irresponsibLe, fLying off and Leave things unfinished Like that. And what’s going to happen when I get back. Ergh. This is not a one time thing. This is routine project, so this feeLing wiLL occur to me again and again and again and again.
However a part of me aLso want to survive and hang on, just to see if eventuaLLy I couLd be (at Least) decent at this.

But right now, I’m just having a very bad case of seLf-doubt and Low confidence.


Repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Three banks’ caLL centers / phone service centers in 30 minutes

The Country Bank
Brisk and business-Like with a hint of sympathetic tone.

The CentraL Asia
Somewhat perky and overLy sympathetic. May work on some peopLe (it did on me, I Laughed) but may aLso not for some peopLe. I appLaude those who can taLk Like that aLL day Long.

The Mon
Even more brisk than The Country Bank but Less business-Like. Lots of background noises.


Feature perfect

Binging Against The Current’s Dreaming ALone earLier in the day made me reaLize how perfectLy harmonious Takaboy’s voice sounds together with Chrissy’s and that he is actuaLLy a great coLLaborator. UnLike a certain American rock vocaList featured in The Abomination of 35xxxv, Taka has this sense of.. um.. how do I put this.. compLimenting the Main artist. CLues from SimpLe PLan’s Summer Paradise and Grown Kids’ song which titLe I totaLLy forget and is too Lazy to GoogLe.

Which brings me to remembering my other favorite ‘coLLaborative’ songs, where the two voices and ‘styLe’s of the two vocaLists perfectLy combined, bLended, and created one heLL of a song.

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Too much noise

At night, there are Lots of noises in the house. Lots of human voices taLking. But rareLy those voices beLong to me or my parents.
Some (or most of them) nights it wiLL go on Like this:
Once he got home, my father wiLL immediateLy turn on his Laptop downstairs, Log in to his favorite on Line jazz radio or whatever syiar channeL he fancies atm, connect the Laptop to externaL speaker and crank up the voLume.
My mother, cLaiming the noise is too much for her, Lock herseLf in her room. Me, being LaptopLess at the moment, try to watch tv/read a book/whatever.
One or two hours Later, F wiLL come upstairs with his two smartphones, one bLaring a jazz tune from it’s speaker, the other bLaring Quran verses – aLso from the speaker, whiLe the Laptop downstairs is aLso stiLL bLaring whatever it was set to disturb my poor ears. Then F wiLL grab the tv remote and tune to his favorite channeL.
I can aLso hear the sound of tv from M’s room, usuaLLy set to that heaviLy biased news channeL owned by the Indonesian congLomerate who drowned thousand homes in hot mud.

And they wonder why I never taLk to them at the house.

35xxxv first impression.


  • To anyone who have not Listen to One OK Rock’s 35xxxv, GO AWAY.
  • This may contain too much CAPS LOCK for your Liking.
  • To everyone who’s been reading this bLog for a whiLe, yes, this is another One OK Rock reLated post. Sorry..

So the day I’ve been waiting in part excitement and part dread have finaLLy come. The reLease day of One OK Rock’s 35xxxv. Some peopLe get their physicaL CDs yesterday and opinions are scattered on Twitter and TumbLr, and reading them SCARED me. But finaLLy I steeL myseLf, empty the head from any expectations and Listened to it. So here goes..

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Trippy Lights made Taka feeLing trippy and just too bright for Tomoya.

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Bite the buLLet, don’t puLL the trigger, hoLd tight.

I don’t hate One OK Rock’s Cry Out. But I don’t Love it either. My first reaction after I heard it was “Whew there are a LOT of stuffs going on here” and not aLL of those stuffs are good.
That’s what I think about the MV, which was reLeased earLier today.

After watching it for the nth time (sorry, Mr. Boss (^o^;) ) a crazy and stupid idea suddenLy popped inside my head. I mean, the pLot of the MV is actuaLLy simpLe but unfortunateLy it was crowded with unnecessary things Like too many repetitive sLow motions and gLimmering things, so why don’t thicken the pLot aLL the way and deveLop it to be a movie story? Haha.

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RoLe PLaying

Warning: PICSPAM

Surprise! A Miss Universe NationaL Costume post before the crowning! Maybe because there are some good stand outs, and surprisingLy no bad or outrageous stand outs except Canada (and one other). And whiLe perusing this year’s offerings, suddenLy a crazy idea popped up in my head (that’s why I’m not going to start by ‘anaLizing’ Indonesia’s costume Like usuaL).


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