Why did I do these.

  1. I impuLsiveLy bought a return ticket to Tokyo for November 2016.
    WeLL, I’ve been dreaming about ceLebrating my next birthday in Japan soLo, so.. yeah. Saving Craze must start now.
  2. I impuLsiveLy booked a non-refundabLe hoteL for my trip to Turkey next month.
    I thought it’s a free-canceLLation booking. Turned out it’s not. WeLL, at Least it’s a better deaL than the previous booking, and breakfast is incLuded. Fingers crossed the hoteL’s not too bad.

Don’t stop the move, keep on dancing.

Dance is amazing. Language is a barrier that can be broken by music, but if even music faiLs, there wiLL aLways be dance.
Says the girL who bawLed her eyes out in front of the TV when she saw this 5 years ago, and stiLL does whenever she see it again and again.

Dance is amazing, because it makes peopLe pushes their body to the maximum Limit and do things you thought you wouLd never be abLe to do. God is great, indeed.
Says the girL whose heart wrenched oh so tightLy knowing two of these guys got injured just before they have to perform an extended version of beLow routine.


I was thinking about quitting yosakoi aLtogether after seeing ReckLess and remembering Matthew. They are dancing for their Lives, against prejudices and injuries, whiLe I’m.. What, dancing for fun? How shaLLow.
But then if I quit, that means I wiLL Lose one more thing that can reaLLy do and make me hystericaLLy happy. PLus I feeL Like I wiLL Lose a battLe against my father. I hate Losing to my father.
So, obLiging to The TeLephones, I decide to keep on dancing. For however Long it may be.

This. Is actuaLLy happening -___________________-

I Like my current job. To be specific, I Like my current job at my current department. It can be a LittLe boring when we don’t have anything to do, but actuaLLy we have Lots of interesting projects this year.

Then yesterday The Boss toLd me that one of the marketing department wants to ‘puLL’ me to their team.

I wanted to cry. I immediateLy thought of resigning. The Boss said don’t even consider resigning. He said he couLd see some ‘marketing quaLity’ in me. He said the decision is aLL up to me and I shouLd reeeeeaLLy think about it because this is a good chance for me. I was aghast.

I am scared.

ObviousLy, the job and the work Load wiLL be different. The Uppers wiLL definiteLy expect to expLoit my aLready non-existent Japanese skiLLs because that department is the damn one which deaLs with aLL our Japanese costumers. There wiLL be tons of technicaL materiaLs and product knowLedge to study. The pressure wiLL be bigger. The targets. HoLy crap I’m scared.

It is aLso quite exciting, yea. CLearer career path, bigger opportunity, faster promotion, and yada yada. I wouLd aLso be abLe to meet new peopLe, expand my network, improve my communication skiLLs, and yada yada. ALso this couLd be a big opportunity to do an ‘inside-troubLeshooting’ and maybe after a coupLe of years I couLd ask to be transferred back to my current department and work to improvement with what I’ve gained from the experience.

But I don’t know how much Longer I want to stay in The Company. I’m not a Marketing person, despite everything The Boss said. My passion is not there. But then again, I don’t even know what my passion is.

Cheesus I’m confused. *bLares One OK Rock’s Answer Is Near*

I haven’t feLt this high since Linkin Park

So yesterday I went to see One OK Rock’s concert in Jakarta.

Before I go further, I have to make a confession. I’ve known One OK Rock since around 2011, but had onLy started to reaLLy Listen to them since.. weLL, The Beginning (it’s an awesome song, OK?). I don’t even have any physicaL form of their aLbums, just downLoaded the Last three iLLegaLLy (oops). In fact, buying a ticket for their concert was aLmost a gambLe, because  I don’t know anyone who reaLLy Like OOR enough to go see them with me — LuckiLy I found out a workmate is obsessed about them, so off I went.

And damn I’m gLad I bought that ticket. I haven’t feLt that high since Linkin Park’s concert in 2011 (not to discredit Jason Mraz’s concert in 2012, but Jason’s show was entireLy a different thing. His was Like a journey to reach a spirituaL zen nirvana, whiLe LP and OOR’s were Like a body-numbing physicaL orgasm). The difference is, Linkin Park and I have been together since I was in middLe schooL, and we’ve been through a Lot together. WhiLe One OK Rock is..– to crudeLy transLate a phrase in Indonesian– just a yesterday’s kid. But for a yesterday’s kid to made me reached that LeveL of pure high satisfaction, that means they are indeed very good.

And now I’m dweLLing in a state of fataL post-concert depression — even MORE fataL than the one I had after LP, and I’m kinda refusing to move on.

Is this normaL? I’ve been asking this question because it seems highLy unnaturaL for a mid-20s Like me to become so obsessive over a rock band. Yesterday, everyone around me were coLLege students and high schooLers. It’s normaL for them to be hyper, to bang their heads with abandon, to sing aLong and scream their favorite member’s name (TOMOYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA) on the top of their Lungs. I guess their energy must have rubbed off into oLd-me, because Last night I was stiLL giggLing hystericaLLy at midnight, chatting with the workmate on the phone. Those who foLLowed me on Twitter and Path must know that I’m stiLL haLf-dreaming. I feLt 21 again. Is that normaL?

(WhiLe yesterday at 9 pm -whiLe I was getting high- a high schooL friend gave birth to her first chiLd. Now that seems Like a normaL thing to do for a femaLe my age.)

But what the heLL. It feeLs so good to be young.

I know. I don’t know.

‘I don’t know’ will not get you anywhere.

That’s what my father said. If there are two things he hate the most about me, they are my penchant of not answering or repLying to anything he said, and my penchant to answer everything with ‘I don’t know’.
So he’d aLways griLL me for a definite answer. An exact answer and pLan. Maybe that’s why I aLways demand cLear answers from other peopLe. Maybe that’s why I can’t go with haLf-cooked pLans. And when others can’t give me answers, I’d be tempted to take controL, even if I’d be the party pooper in the end.

I Love my mother, but..

..spending aLmost a fuLL day with her kind of stressed me out.

When she suggested we shouLd go somewhere out of J-town for the next Long weekend, I feLt Like there was a pair of coLd, iron fists pushing the insides of my chest out. Even taLking about fLight tickets give me headache. I know it wouLd be onLy for a coupLe of days and night, but the thought of having to stick around her and to everything together is scary. I know it wouLd be a very good chance for a.. um, compromise practice, besides, she have been compromising her whoLe Life since the day I popped in her beLLy, for heaven’s sake. But the thought stiLL gives me coLd sweat.

I’m such a bad daughter 😦

A baby hates me

Since last year, the star of my mother’s life is my cousin’s one year old baby daughter. That cousin has aLways been my mother’s dearest niece, so I think it’s no surprise that she wouLd Love the baby tremendousLy, too. And the baby — I’m just going to caLL her Princesa to honor her Spanish father – is super cute everyone wouLd easiLy faLL in Love with her anyway.

Princesa adores my mother. She wouLd perk up everytime she hears my mother’s voice. According to my cousin, her first word was “buu”, from “Ibu”, the way everyone caLL my mother. And currentLy Princesa has taken a Liking to my father too, because he can pick and hoLd her reaL high, and he Likes to whistLe funny tunes for her.

Princesa hates me. Everytime she sees me up cLose she wouLd pout angriLy or snarL or throw anything at me. My mother said it’s because she can sense my true feeLing for her, that I don’t Love her as much as everybody eLse — which is somewhat true, but that doesn’t mean I don’t Love her. However, I aLso have my own theories:

  1. Princesa hates me because I’m mischievous, because I Like to tease her when we pLay, because I wouLd offer her things but then I wouLdn’t give them to her untiL she cries or pouts or snarLs or screams.
  2. Princesa hates me because everytime “buu” Leaves, she Leaves with me. I take my mother away from her.
  3. This one is just emphasizing my mother’s words, reaLLy.  Princesa hates me because she knows I don’t have a heart that’s not capabLe to Love fuLLy, that some parts of my heart are coLd, rotten, and reeking. Like my mother said, very young chiLdren can sense Love, and maybe Princesa can’t sense any Love, just too many negativity, from me. Isn’t there a saying that it takes a pure heart to know a bad one? Or maybe I just made that up? :p

Anyway, happy first birthday, Princesa. I wish you’d have a sweLL Life, and by the time you understand EngLish weLL enough I’d made you Listen to ELLegarden’s Good Morning Kids.


If you are a man, even if you die in a ditch during battle, you will die pitching forward.


Itu kata-kata Sakamoto Ryouma yang dikutip di manga Bakuman jiLid 1, yang baruuuuu aja seLesai gwe baca beberapa menit yang LaLu.

Gwe agak stress baca Bakuman, tapi sebenernya itu haL yang bagus karena artinya gwe masih bisa ngerasa tertampar karena gwe menyia-nyiakan masa muda gwe buat mengejar mimpi. KaLo diinget, kaya’nya impian gwe waktu SMP cuma masuk SMA yang sama kaya’ gebetan gwe (iya, duLu gwe pernah punya gebetan seperti Layaknya anak perempuan normaL Lainnya). Waktu SMA impian gwe udah muLai Lebih ‘berwujud’, tapi akhirnya gwe maLah beLok jauh karena ‘LoLos’ SPMB. KaLau sekarang ditanya mimpi gwe apa, gwe cuma bisa jawab “JaLan-jaLan pakai uang sendiri, jangka pendek ke Jepang Lagi dan ke New ZeaLand, jangka panjang ke FLoriade di tahun 2022 dan ‘ngejar’ Aurora Borealis.” SepeLe. Tapi setidaknya masih bisa jadi pecutan supaya gwe rajin kerja dan nabung.

Yah, anak muda memang harus punya mimpi ^^

Past midnight I asked myseLf.. ShouLd I or shouLdn’t I..

..buy a KindLe?
That is the kind-of-first-worLdLy question that popped up in my head when I was tossing and turning in my bed at 2 am.

I’ve thought about having an e-reader in the past, reaLLy, aLthough a friend said she remember me making a statement that I wiLL never give e-books and e-readers a chance. A statement which I don’t remember making, but I AM against reading on tabLets Like  the pads or the tabs because the gLare hurts my eyes Like heLL.

Back to the ‘Why’, the obvious number one reason is Lack of space in my sheLf, which currentLy Looks Like this


I am sharing a booksheLf with my mother, who aLso has a mammoth coLLection of psychoLogy and reLigious books (aLthough I’m pretty sure more than haLf of them are stiLL unread, yet). So the singLe sheLf I got is used for my noveLs. I do have another sheLf in my room, but it is excLusiveLy reserved for my most uLtimate absoLute favorite mangas.

Second reason is e-books are generaLLy cheaper (or even free!) than the price of imported books in Indonesia. And I wouLdn’t have to wait too Long to read some titLes which have piqued my interest.
Reason number three is, Lugging an e-reader in my bag couLd be Lighter than an actuaL 1000ish pages book (hi, 1Q48), which I think couLd greatLy improved the condition of my Left shouLder.
Next, is, e-books are kind of environment friendLy, no? No trees have to be sacrificed to produce a copy of e-book.
Last reason is probabLy because I’ve just watched You’ve Got Mail before I went to bed, so naturaLLy I wiLL have thoughts about books (and cyber romance), The TraditionaL versus The New.

But of course, there are the cons.
I’m stiLL concerned about the gLare, even though the aforementioned friend said reading on her kindLe is as comfortabLe as reading ink on papers. And the idea of having to sheLL out some money to buy a device just to read books feeLs a LittLe.. riddicuLous for me, not to mention the extra charging friLLs that comes aLong.

And the absoLute con is, I LOVE the feeLing of aqcuiring new books, speciaLLy if they’re not avaiLabLe anywhere in Indonesia and Book Depository’s shipping is puLLing some shit in the middLe of the way so I had to wait for two months. The feeLing of Laying my hands on them, opening them, and inhaLing their aroma for the first time is kind of orgasmic. And I have a siLLy dream of coLor coordinating my books in sheLves aLong a fuLL waLL. Like this:


So, Friends, e-readers, yay or nay? Thoughts?

It’s just some LittLe thing

A few weeks ago, a friend from Uni who aLso happened to be working at the same office with me said: “For aLL the years I’ve known you, I’ve never heard anything about you having a crush on anyone. There were never any gossips about you-Like-whoever you Like.. How did you do that?”

To be honest, I don’t reaLLy know either. Maybe I’m turning asexuaL, but I stiLL get attracted to hot men, reaL or fictionaL.

Then Last Friday, when I was bored and had nothing to do and was  incidentaLLy staring at a (married) maLe coLLeague, I suddenLy reaLized that I Like him.

Continue reading

If onLy routing my own Life was haLf this easy

Last Sunday a friend toLd me she’s going to Amsterdam on JuLy to attend her brother’s graduation ceremony, and she pLans to traveL the BLue Continent for two weeks. And without being asked, I offered myseLf to heLp pLanning the itinerary. The traveL agent in me is chaLLenged, even though I’m not one anymore. But actuaLLy, making up itineraries is one of my favorite pasttime. Which was why I took that job as a traveL agent, even though eventuaLLy I got sick of pLanning other peopLe’s hoLiday trips (with LittLe to zero chance of going on a trip myseLf) — especiaLLy Chinese ancestors piLgrimage itineraries.

Maybe this is weird, but I aLways feeL quite accompLished everytime I succesfuLLy taiLored a feasibLe itinerary. Figuring out how to get to City A to City B is Like soLving a puzzLe. And because for some unknown reason I aLways feeL intimidated by trains and raiLway networks, sorting out train connections feeLs Like beating a troLL with a furry, gLittery, orange fairy stick.

So, what shouLd I do with in-and-out from Amsterdam with ItaLy in between?

Let’s get to work. (ActuaLLy I’ve been working quite hard on this thing that my own office work are quite abandoned.. :p And no, it wouLdn’t be as busy as the above picture depicted.  )

Is it aLL about the money?

Iya loh nykp nanyain “au**** g dibayar, capek2 aja dong adek” (•͡_ •͡)

Di atas adaLah sepenggaL tweet dari ‘adik’ gwe di Hyakka Ryouran, tentang komentar nyokapnya about our recent merry trip to Surabaya to bring merriment to Unitomo Yosakoi Matsuri. (Please excuse my excessive use of the word ‘merry’, right now I am quite fond of that merry word.)

Yesterday when I toLd my mother about what a merry trip it was, she asked “So how much did they pay you?”. ActuaLLy, she AND my father occassionaLLy ask that everytime I toLd them I’m going merrymaking with HR.

The thing is, I don’t give a damn how much they pay me personaLLy (gwe cuma peduLi yang penting HR dibayar supaya kita bisa buat kostum baru, and I get to keep pLaying designer for a LittLe whiLe :P) In generaL, I am invoLved with HR not to earn a side income, but to bring a LittLe merriness to my otherwise drab Life, and to be a kind of merrymaker to other peopLe. And yosakoi is quite a merry exercise.

And even though I have to spend quite a sum of money, I didn’t regret going on this trip. I get to know some of the HR kids better, debuted a new choreography and new Love Labor (costume), gained some new contacts, spread the merry awesomeness of HR, and most important of aLL, had Loads of merry fun.

Picture (and the merry event report) from here