You can’t have cake and eat it, too

Three weeks ago, my cousin texted me, telling me about a single brother of her friend.

Fast forward to a few hours Later, he – Let’s call him IRE – and I agreed to meet up.

Fast forward to a few more hours Later, everything had gone quite peachy, but there is one single, conspicuous physical flaw about him.

He’s an Arab.

Sorry.

I know, I know, I shouLdn’t generalize all Arab (descents) as asshoLes Like Saudi men, but stiLL..

Urgh.

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Abort Mission!

The titLe of this post was quoted from my BFU when I toLd her I was to go to another mission with Subject.. Let’s just caLL him R1.

 

R1 is a notary who had worked with Mrs. Z, one of Her Mothership’s gaziLLion friends (I don’t even know if I have ever met Mrs. Z. If I had, I can’t even recaLL what she Looks Like). Mrs. Z advertised him as a highLy eLigibLe bacheLor with a steady income, but he’s extremeLy shy. HM toLd me Mrs. Z toLd her that R1 consuLted Mrs. Z for a week before he started contacting me.

The resuLt of that consuLtation?
A stream of annoying texts with various incorrect speLLings of my name and fLooding me with sad faces emojis if I didn’t text him back ASAP, a coupLe of DIY Ed Sheeran covers, and a barrage of seLfies in a poLice car.
So I siLentLy toLd him to go to heLL.
And eventuaLLy he stopped. My Life was peacefuL again.

For a few months.
UntiL Mrs. Z kindLy butted in again, urging us to meet, through Her Mothership.
SLy.

So the stream of annoying texts with various incorrect speLLings of my name and fLooding me with sad faces emojis if I didn’t text him back ASAP returned.
OnLy this time, he said “Look, I know you’re pushed to do this, so am I. Mrs. Z won’t stop buggering me about you.”
Poor him. So I agreed, just to ease our mutuaL annoyances.

On the way to The Mission, Her Mothership kept saying I have to be nice, don’t be too coLd, yada yada yada. She even asked me to ‘bring’ him to meet her.
SERIOUSLY HOW WEIRD WOULD THAT BE. I mean, we both didn’t want to do this, so if I ‘took’ him to my mother he wouLd think:
a. “Hey, maybe she likes me.” (are there any throw up emojis in WordPress?)
b. “Oh great it’s her mom now I have pressure from both sides.”
So I said NO WAY to Her Mothership, and off I went to The Mission.

The foLLowing things happened:

  • He kept repeating how annoyed he was by Mrs. Z taLking about me (seriousLy though, which one is this Mrs. Z and what does she know about me besides I’m singLe and Her Mothership is desperate to marry me off?)
  • He doesn’t know how the Food Court Table Law works.
  • He insisted to ordering food for me.
  • He doesn’t eat meat.
  • The conversation died a few times for periods far too Long to be comfortabLe. And I was trying to be nice and chatty.
  • He sLightLy pushed me to go to a sport shop, and caLLed and texted me everytime I was out of his sight.
  • After it was over and done with, Her Mothership is giving me the CoLd Shoulder treatment because.. I don’t know..? For not bringing him to meet her?

ConcLusion: Mission Aborted.

 

 

Take My Hand And Bring Me Back

I swear this is not a One OK Rock bLog, but guess what my first post in 2016 wiLL be about? One OK Rock.

Because two days ago I SURVIVED ANOTHER ONE OK ROCK CONCERT WITH MY WHOLE BODY STILL IN ONE PIECE! Woo!

To cut the story short, me and a-gaL-Let’s-just-caLL-her-MP fLew to Singapore on Friday, January 22 and we decided to Lurk around in Changi for a coupLe of hours to catch this

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BeLieve me, I feLt Like a super perverted staLker.

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30 Day Song Challenge, Day 1 – A Song That Makes You Happy

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The theme is so appropriate as yesterday was kind of bittersweet (the majority of it was bitter, though) for me, so this shouLd serve as a pick-me-up of sort

A TINY SUNSHINE – Kajiura Yuki (OST. Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle)

Listening to this song in the morning equaLs taking multiple multivitamins for the souL. Never faiL to carve a smiLe into my face and add some spring to my steps. Kajiura Yuki is a genius.

THE WORLD AS I SEE IT – Jason Mraz (Love Is A Four Letter Word)

I stiLL have a very vivid memory about the time I first heard this song. Me and Mothership was in the car, the radio was on, it was day and the sun was shining brightLy, me and Mothership was not fighting. SuddenLy the radio announcer said “Let’s hear Jason Mraz’s new song!” and I remembered thinking Ohmygod this song is fucking beautifuL, and haLfway through the song Mothership said, “This song is good.” BLiss.

So I kinda pushed myseLf to do this.. Let’s see.

In the pLight to really prove that this is not a One OK Rock-focused bLog, I have decided to challenge myseLf.

I am doing the 30 Day Song Challenge.

No, nobody had chaLLenged or tagged me to do it. I just saw one bLogger I’m foLLowing did it (and recentLy compLeted it) and I thought, hey, this couLd be fun. And chaLLenging. Because I’m aLmost sure I wouLdn’t be abLe to finish it in 30 days, more Like, 40 days, maybe. Nor wiLL I tag anyone to do this with me or after me, because I have aLmost-zero friends on the bLogosphere.
But what the heLL, it’s the beginning of a new month, and I need something new to do in this bLog other than rant about One OK Rock. Oh, another chaLLenge is to keep the number of featured One OK Rock’s songs minimal XD

It just occured to me that I shouLd have posted this preambLe yesterday, but since I’m kind of on a roLL here, post Day 1 is coming straight after this.
Here’s the List:
Day 1 – A song that makes you happy
Day 2 – A song that helps clear your head
Day 3 – A song that makes you laugh
Day 4 – A song that reminds you of something sad
Day 5 – A song that has new meaning every time you hear it
Day 6 – A song you can always relate to
Day 7 – A song that holds a lot of meaning to you
Day 8 – A song that makes you cry
Day 9 – A song that makes you want to dance
Day 10 – A song that annoys you
Day 11 – A song that reminds you of summer
Day 12 – A song that reminds you of your best friend
Day 13 – A song you sing in the shower
Day 14 – A song you liked when you were younger
Day 15 – A song people wouldn’t expect you to like
Day 16 – A song that is your guilty pleasure
Day 17 – A song you like hearing live
Day 18 – A song you have as your ringtone
Day 19 – A song currently stuck in your head
Day 20 – A song from an album you are looking forward to
Day 21 – A song you want to dance to at your wedding
Day 22 – A song that you haven’t listened to in a while
Day 23 – A cover song
Day 24 – A song that makes you angry
Day 25 – An acoustic song you love
Day 26 – A song by your favorite band
Day 27 – A song you make fun of
Day 28 – A song that reminds you of your boyfriend/girlfriend
Day 29 – A song you’re currently obsessed of
Day 30 – A song that would be the theme song to a TV show about your life

Now I see that each day you’re supposed to taLk onLy about a song, aka one song, but I am one of those girl who can’t make up her mind for anything important, so each day may feature two, three, even four songs. I’LL put the Limit at four, tops.

So! Let the 30 Day Song Challenge begins!

悲しくて ただ単に辛くて

EarLier today One OK Rock (management) announced the dates for their 2016 Asia Tour and since then my pLayList is dominated by You’ve Broken My Heart – Mighty Long Fall – Heartache in no particuLar order.

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Yep, they’re skipping Indonesia.
Insert every crying-bucket-of-tears Line stickers I own here.

ObviousLy there are a LOT of WHYs thrown around, pLus some hystericaL bLaming games. I don’t want to make the water murkier, but since this is MY bLog, pLease aLLow me to throw in my two cents on the “why wouLdn’t One OK Rock come back to Indonesia”.

WARNING: this is going to be Long and fuLL of winding non-sense shits.

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ReversaL

I, on the other hand, still might not be considered a proper adult. I had been very grown-up when I was in primary school. But as I continued through secondary school, I in fact became less grown-up. And then as the years passed, I turned into a quite childlike person. I suppose I just wasn’t able to ally myself with time.

Strange Weather in Tokyo – Hiromi Kawakami

Stay aLight. Stay aLive.

I’m seriousLy doubting myseLf now. Zero confidence at aLL.

The case: as per March 2015, I was transferred to a newLy estabLished department that deaLs with.. very important stuffs in my company with constant contacts with the Bosses. I had a new boss, a kind and seemingLy competent woman, even though she’s panicky at times. Long story short, we were supposed to be preparing for some routine projects when yesterday she sent a resignation emaiL to HR, after a week Long absence from office (for understandabLe personaL reason).
ConcLusion: I was Left aLone to do aLmost everything with next to zero understanding on what I’m supposed to do.

WeLL, I do get some advices and inputs. But I’m scared to do them because I’m afraid I might do something out of Line. Like, okay I have the baLLs, but I’m afraid I might bounce them too high or spin them too fast. I mean who the fuck am I to emaiL the President Director with “Please review and advise”? I’m just the snotty, stupid girL with zits who wear orange everyday.

A part of me just want to run. A few days ago my mind was in a daze thinking of my upcoming trip to Japan (in just a few days!). And then, BAM. I know I have to do this untiL the Last minute, and then board the pLane and wave またね see you in two weeks. But I’m afraid that peopLe wiLL see me as irresponsibLe, fLying off and Leave things unfinished Like that. And what’s going to happen when I get back. Ergh. This is not a one time thing. This is routine project, so this feeLing wiLL occur to me again and again and again and again.
However a part of me aLso want to survive and hang on, just to see if eventuaLLy I couLd be (at Least) decent at this.

But right now, I’m just having a very bad case of seLf-doubt and Low confidence.

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Repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Three banks’ caLL centers / phone service centers in 30 minutes

The Country Bank
Brisk and business-Like with a hint of sympathetic tone.

The CentraL Asia
Somewhat perky and overLy sympathetic. May work on some peopLe (it did on me, I Laughed) but may aLso not for some peopLe. I appLaude those who can taLk Like that aLL day Long.

The Mon
Even more brisk than The Country Bank but Less business-Like. Lots of background noises.

I NEED MY MONEY

Watch “10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman” on YouTube

A few days ago I saw this video

10 Hours of Walking in NYC as a Woman: http://youtu.be/b1XGPvbWn0A

Sigh.

Yesterday I went to a HaLLoween festivaL with a friend, MP, at a park not so far from our office. We decided to get out at around 7 pm, when peopLe in costumes were just starting to come. At the parking Lot, we passed through a CLark Kent & Wonder Woman coupLe. Then I heard some men (Like, drivers and whatnots dickheads) saying things Like: “this Halloween thing is awesome, we don’t have to watch porn we can just hang around here and see some hot chicks!”
Low Life dickheads.

A few minutes Later when MP and I were passing a row of cars queing to get out of the park compLex, a (pretty nice) car roLLed down it’s window and a guy hoLLered “hey baby! Hey sweetie!”
MiddLe finger was out.

The video on the top was criticized because it edited out the white men (and priviLeged, or at Least middLe cLass). But reaLLy, I think every singLe men (and women, yes) on this pLanet stiLL have this.. stupid ceLL in their brains to judge other peopLe’s appearance. It’s inevitabLe, we wiLL aLways judge peopLe. But some of us are stiLL poLite enough to not say it aLoud and do other stupid things based on that judgement. Some others deserve the middLe finger.

Just because I want some drama

Yesterday was the Indonesian presidentiaL eLection. Voters had made their choice, between Candidate P and Candidate J. I had hoped things wiLL quickLy settLe down to normaL, no more bLack campaigns and onLine & sociaL media wars between both camp.
And then this tweet happened.

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Rough transLation: If Candidate J wins, I will unshare & unfollow the friends who supported him and dissed Candidate P. WHATEVER.

That was coming from a coLLege friend – office coLLeague.
In response to another mutuaL friend, she said: Sorry if I’m too frontal, I think I’m going to be sick of seeing his face everywhere for the next 5 years.

And now, I am SUPER tempted to conduct a LittLe experiment. I want to start gushing on sociaL medias about how good Candidate J is just to make her unshare me onLine, and to see how she’d act toward me in reaL Life. I’ve heard this had happened to many peopLe out there, oLd friends dissing each other on sociaL medias because of their different choices and turning into enemies in reaL Life. It puzzLed me, Like, REALLY, PEOPLE? But now a case has appeared near me, and I’m itching to.. prove something, maybe.
Or maybe I just have too much free time.

But I never reaLLy Like Candidate P, anyway.

I’LL be Like RapunzeL

Two weeks ago my mother took me to the hospitaL to get an injection because I have this annoying on and off cough since May. She even persuaded the doctor to give me a sick Letter for three days.
I’m off office on Monday. ALL I’m aLLowed to do were sLeep and eat and sLeep and eat. I was bored.
I went to work on Tuesday, but suddenLy I got worse.
My mother heLd me prisoner on Wednesday. ALL I can do were sLeep and eat and sLeep and eat. And watch some TV. I was bored to tears.
I went back to work on Thursday. On Friday I went to the cinema with a friend. When I toLd my father, he said: “You just got slightly better and now you’re already gallivanting at night??? Don’t even come home.” UnfortunateLy for him, I managed to get home before 8:30 because I saw the 5:30 show, the fiLm was quick, and my friend was wearing her ‘bad heeLs’ so we couLdn’t hang out Longer.

I aLmost managed to survive this week when on Thursday night I feeL hot in the insides of my body and coLd on the outside. I guLped down some meds and went to bed. Friday morning,  I woke up burning and deLirious. My mother rushed me to the hospitaL with a set of cLothes and toiLettries – in case I shouLd spend a night there. I got IVed for the first time in my Life. The fever came down, the doctor refused to admit me in and give me meds, we went home.

Friday, aLL I can do was sLeep.
Saturday, I woke up feeLing much better. Went to the Lab for a bLood test which showed I’m in danger of catching typhoid.
Sunday, which is today, I woke up feeLing even better. The parents went out today, but not before teLLing me over and over again not to go anywhere. I wasn’t pLanning to, I have a mountain of Laundry to do. My father did something that make the washing machine dead. And it rained. Shit. My body is aching from aLL those sLeep. I can’t wait to get out of the house and go to work tomorrow.

I’m dreading the next few weeks. This whoLe being sick thing wiLL sureLy guarantee my status as a house prisoner, whiLe I have Lots of pLans for the next 2 weeks (in the hospitaL my father said this happened because I went to the movies in the previous week, on Saturday my mother mock-asked me if I wanted to go to dance practice). I know I sound Like a spoiLed brat now, ungratefuL that I stiLL have a roof over my head and parents who care for me, but the thing is.. being inside the house for too Long is sucking the Life out of me. The Longer I stay inside the house, the more anxious I get, the snappier I act around the parents, the more I hurt them. They wiLL onLy teLL me to eat more, sLeep more – which, yeah, is good for recovery after being fLoored by fever- but the more I eat, the more I sLeep, the more I Lose my wiLL to do anything.
I can’t muster the wiLL to finish the post on my BeLitung trip Last month (it’s been aLmost a month!!! ARGH). I have no interest to continue FinaL Fantasy IV — but maybe that’s because currentLy aLL my party members are men (three mature men, two of them bearded, one braided, and the Leader is a dude who championed purpLe Lipstick. Why am I bLabbering about them here?) I couLdn’t read more than 5 pages of Where’d You Go, Bernadette. This post was started at 5 PM and when I’m typing this it’s 10:06 PM.

I need to go outside. I need to see other faces. I need to taLk to someone eLse. I need to cut my hair soon.

Reporting to Her Mothership (and accompLice) (and..)

Her Mothership: So how was last night?
Me: WeLL.. Le Cousine kept bugging me to get out of the office earLier than I shouLd, so I just get out Late.
HM: And then?
Me: She said we’d have dinner at 8. At 5ish we went to a swanky hair saLon and the make-up guy made me wear heavy fake eyeLashes. Then we just waLked around the maLL. LC insisted we must arrive 5 minutes Late.
HM: And?
Me: So we arrived 5 minutes Late.
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Ten out of how many?

My mother is on fire in a mission to find a potentiaL father for her grandchiLdren (sadLy, these guys don’t make it into her List). She has some heLps. Among one of the most enthusiastic heLper is my cousin, the cLosest to her and my aLmost-sister. This cousin aLways say “I’m going to introduce you to a friend who’s a piLot” or “I know a guy who works in an oiL company and is doing very weLL” and things Like that, but because I was being my ignorant seLf, I never get to see those guys. UntiL Last week, I agreed to Let her to set me off with this guy she knows. The date is stiLL undecided. Then yesterday she caLLed and this foLLowing conversation occured:

Le Cousine >> So can we meet up on Wednesday?
Me >> Sure.
LC >> Can you get out early from work?
Me >> I don’t know. I can get out as earLy as 4:30. (Was starting to get annoyed)
LC >> Good, because we have to go to the salon first. We have to make you fabulous. What are you going to wear, then? Do you have a dress for office days? Something to make you look more girly?
Me >> No. (Was annoyed)
LC >> Then maybe we need to stop at Zara, too..
Me >> Is that reaLLy necessary? (Was super annoyed)
LC >> Of course that’s necessary, Dear. When we meet someone new, especially a ‘potential candidate’, in the first ten meetings we have to fake ourselves. Glam up, doll up. After that, it’s up to you. I did that with my husband when I just met him.
Me >> Fine. (Was annoyed and horrified)
LC >> Great. Don’t forget to bring your contact lenses on Wednesday.

ReaLLy????

So, in order to ensnare a ‘potentiaL candidate’ I have to be someone I’m not and then after 10 meetings I can scratch my butt in front of his nose? On the other hand, I know what my cousin’s sociaL circLe is Like. The circLe that requires frequent trips to hair saLons and boutiques to stay inside. But reaLLy, having to do the hair and buy new cLothes just to meet a stranger sounds exhausting to me. And today is onLy Sunday.

And I’m not going to write about the “what if”s. I guess that wiLL have to wait untiL.. Thursday.

 

This. Is actuaLLy happening -___________________-

I Like my current job. To be specific, I Like my current job at my current department. It can be a LittLe boring when we don’t have anything to do, but actuaLLy we have Lots of interesting projects this year.

Then yesterday The Boss toLd me that one of the marketing department wants to ‘puLL’ me to their team.

I wanted to cry. I immediateLy thought of resigning. The Boss said don’t even consider resigning. He said he couLd see some ‘marketing quaLity’ in me. He said the decision is aLL up to me and I shouLd reeeeeaLLy think about it because this is a good chance for me. I was aghast.

I am scared.

ObviousLy, the job and the work Load wiLL be different. The Uppers wiLL definiteLy expect to expLoit my aLready non-existent Japanese skiLLs because that department is the damn one which deaLs with aLL our Japanese costumers. There wiLL be tons of technicaL materiaLs and product knowLedge to study. The pressure wiLL be bigger. The targets. HoLy crap I’m scared.

It is aLso quite exciting, yea. CLearer career path, bigger opportunity, faster promotion, and yada yada. I wouLd aLso be abLe to meet new peopLe, expand my network, improve my communication skiLLs, and yada yada. ALso this couLd be a big opportunity to do an ‘inside-troubLeshooting’ and maybe after a coupLe of years I couLd ask to be transferred back to my current department and work to improvement with what I’ve gained from the experience.

But I don’t know how much Longer I want to stay in The Company. I’m not a Marketing person, despite everything The Boss said. My passion is not there. But then again, I don’t even know what my passion is.

Cheesus I’m confused. *bLares One OK Rock’s Answer Is Near*